Right, then. The meeting has officially come to order. Let us all say the pledge..
BRUCE/ANCHOR/CHUM
'I am a nice shark, not a mindless eating machine. If I am to change this image, I must
first change myself. Fish are friends, not food'.
ANCHOR
Except stinkin' dolphins.
CHUM
Dolphins! Yeah, they think they're sooo cute! 'Hey, look at me. I'm a flippin' little dolphin!
Let me flip for 'ya! Ain't I a somethin'!'
BRUCE
Right, then. Today's meeting is step 5, 'BRING A FISH FRIEND'. Now do you all have your
friends?
ANCHOR
Got mine.
DORY
Hey there!
BRUCE
How 'bout you, Chum?
CHUM
Oh, um, I seem to have misplaced my uh, friend.
12
BRUCE
That's all right, Chum. I had a feeling this would be a difficult step, you can help yourself
to one of my friends.
CHUM
Oh, thanks, mate. A little chum for Chum, eh?
BRUCE
I'll start the testimonies. Hello, my name is Bruce.
ANCHOR/CHUM
Hello, Bruce.
BRUCE
It has been three weeks since my last fish, on my honor, or may I be chopped up and
made into soup.
CHUM
You're an inspiration to all of us.
ANCHOR
Amen.
BRUCE
Right, then. Who's next?
DORY
Ooh! Pick me! Pick me!
BRUCE
Yes, the little Sheila down the front.
DORY
Woo-hoo!
BRUCE
Come on up here.
DORY
Hi. I'm Dory.
BRUCE/ANCHOR/CHUM
Hello, Dory.
DORY
And, uh, well, I don't think I've ever eaten a fish.
CHUM
Hey, that's incredible.
BRUCE
Good on 'ya, mate!
DORY
Whew! I'm glad I got that off my chest.
BRUCE
All right, anyone else? Hello, how 'bout you, mate? What's your problem?
MARLIN
Me? I don't have a problem.
BRUCE
Oh. Okay..
BRUCE/ANCHOR/CHUM
Denial.
BRUCE
Just start with your name.
MARLIN
Okay. Uh, hello. My name is Marlin. I'm a clownfish--
CHUM
A clownfish? Really?!
13
BRUCE
Go on, tell us a joke!
CHUM
Ooh! I love jokes!
MARLIN
Actually I do know one that's pretty good. There was this mollusk and he walks up to a sea
cucumber. Normally, they don't talk, sea cucumbers, but in a joke, everyone talks. So the
sea mollusk says to the cucumber...
NEMO
Daddy!
MARLIN
Nemo!
CHUM
Nemo! Ha ha ha! Nemo! I don't get it.
BRUCE
For a clownfish, he's not that funny.
MARLIN
No, no, no, no. He's my son. He was taken by these divers.
DORY
Oh my, you poor fish.
CHUM
Humans. Think they own everything.
ANCHOR
Probably American.
BRUCE
Now there is a father looking for his little boy.
MARLIN
Ugh! What do these markings mean?
BRUCE
I never knew my father! [sobs]
CHUM
Aw, come here.
ANCHOR
Group hug.
CHUM
We're all mates here, mate.
MARLIN
I can't read human.
DORY
Well then we gotta find a fish who can read this. Hey, look. Sharks!
MARLIN
No, no, no, Dory!
DORY
Guys, guys!
MARLIN
No, Dory!
DORY
That's mine! Give it to me! Gimme! Oww!
MARLIN
Oh, I'm sorry. Are you okay?
DORY
Ow, ow, ow.
14
MARLIN
I'm so sorry.
DORY
You really clocked me there. Am I bleeding?
MARLIN
Ohh...
DORY
Ow, ow, ow.
BRUCE
Dory, are you oka--oohh. Oohh, that's good.
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